Edition #243 ā October 10th, 2024 Hello friends, I just landed in London, and writing the newsletter is helping me fight the jet lag. This trip to the United States was full of deep moments of connection which made me feel proud to be part of a global community of curious minds ā nerdy, kind, generous people who love to explore and learn. In two weeks, Iām defending my PhD thesis, which is the very last step to complete my neuroscience graduate studies. Three hours in a room with examiners I have never talked to before, whoāll grill me about every little aspect of my research. So, of course, Iām a little bit worried. Chances are, if you care about people, projects, or places, youāll experience worry at one point or another. This week, weāll talk about the science behind why we worry in the first place, and how to manage worry more mindfully. I also had the opportunity to conduct a mini interview with Adam Grant. His talent for distilling complex ideas is perfect for this format. Lastly, if youāve considered writing a book or are just curious about the process, donāt forget to preorder your copy of Tiny Experiments and RSVP for the Behind the Book workshop on Friday next week!
Why We WorryWe spend a lot of time worrying. About work, money, friends, family, the future. For most people, itās not the kind of paralyzing worry that prevents us from getting anything done. Itās more akin to background noise which we can be pretty good at ignoring. But itās still there. It makes it harder to fall asleep, and it hinders our decision-making when we focus on what could go wrong instead of what could go right. Worrying can lead to fatigue and irritation. If itās so bad for us, why do we worry? Why is it that such an anxiety-inducing mental state is so common? Worrying is rewardingDespite all our efforts, we have very little control over our lives. We cannot guarantee outcomes based on effort only. We put in the work, but the future is uncertain. We could get sick, lose someone, miss an important meeting. The number of imponderables is infinite. So we keep asking ourselves: what if things go wrong? Research suggests that excessive worriers have beliefs about the positive consequences of worrying, which reinforces habitual worry. āEach time we worry and nothing bad happens, our mind connects worry with preventing harm,ā explains Dr Seth Gillihan, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. We unconsciously think that, after all, it was a good thing that we worried. Specifically, a study assessing positive beliefs about worry identified four main factors which may explain why worrying feels, paradoxically, so rewarding: 1. Proactive problem solving. We feel like worrying helps us be more aware of a situation and be better prepared to face it. It might encourage us to come up with more alternative ways to solve a potential problem and avoid the most negative consequences. We see worry as a tool to adopt more productive attitudes, making us responsible, prudent peopleāthe adults in the room. 2. Protection from negative emotions. Worrying feels like it may help us not be caught off guard and be less disappointed if something bad actually happens. We feel like we wonāt be as upset if we predicted that particular negative outcome. 3. Positive self-perception. We might see a tendency to worry as a positive personality trait. Worrying about other people may confirmāin our own eyes or the eyes of othersāthat we are a sensitive, considerate, caring person. We may even feel like people around us would be disappointed if we didnāt worry about them. We basically conflate worrying with being a good person. 4. Magical thinking. Finally, we may think that the act of worrying itself can reduce the risk of something bad happening, which, for some people, can be superstitious. Remarkably, the first factor alone accounted for 32% of the variance in scores in the study. While the authors noted the relatively small sample size, they thought it was worth highlighting the apparent importance of problem solving and motivation. This factor is particularly relevant for people who are problem-solvers. Thereās a fine line between worrying and problem-solving. Worrying is about letting your mind dwell on problems without a systematic approach, often leading to anxiety. Problem-solving is about applying creative strategies and mental models to specific problems. Staying up at night, your mind racing, imagining all of the potentially negative outcomes of a decisionāthis is worry. Sitting down with a notepad, pen in hand, ready to sketch a mind map and identify potential solutionsāthis is problem-solving. Mindful ways to manage worrySo, how can we manage worry? Is it possible to completely eliminate it? The truth is, noāworry is a natural part of life which we canāt avoid entirely. However, while you may not be able to get rid of it altogether, there are simple strategies that can help you reduce its impact. By learning to recognize and manage worry, you can create more mental space for peace and focus. ā¢ Awareness. The first step to managing worry is becoming aware of it. Notice when you start worrying, and instead of trying to push the feeling away, take a moment to study it. Why are you worried? Whatās the root cause? This is the power of metacognition: simply acknowledging and understanding what your mind is doing allows you to engage with your worry more intentionally. ā¢ Boundaries. Even with second-level thinking, itās impossible to predict every outcomeāand thatās okay. Uncertainty is an inherent part of being alive. While we canāt control everything that happens in life, that doesnāt mean we should hold back from living fully. Setting mental boundaries around what you can and cannot control will help you live with less worry and more freedom. ā¢ Calm. Worry is often linked to stress and anxiety. To calm your nervous system, try one or several calming exercises. Breathe slowly, stretch, or meditate. Take a long bath or read a good fiction book. Go for a walk. Watch a movie. While you should not run away from challenges, taking your mind off things for a specified amount of time can restore your sense of calm and improve your ability to think clearly. Awareness, boundaries, calmā¦ This is the ABC of managing worry in a mindful way. These strategies are simple, but it doesnāt mean theyāre always easy to apply. Dealing with worry often means confronting our fearsāwhether itās fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of missing out on a better option. Acknowledging our limited control can feel unsettling, but itās crucial so we can move forward. Instead of wasting mental energy on outcomes we canāt predict or control, we can focus on our output. Of course, leaving your worries behind takes practice. Itās in our nature to worry. And sometimes, worry creeps on us when we least expect it. But by becoming more aware of your thoughts, setting healthy boundaries around what you can and cannot control, and actively working to calm your mind, you can make worry more manageable. Over time, this process can help you become more compassionate, productive, and creative. In the end, you may even learn how to worry wellāusing it as a tool for growth rather than letting it hold you back. š Into the Mind of...
ADAM GRANT
Each week I ask a curious mind about their habits, routines, and rituals. This week Iām excited to feature Adam Grant, organizational psychologist and author of multiple bestselling books such as Hidden Potential, Think Again, and Originals.
He also hosts a podcast called Re:Thinking. I hope this interview inspires you to explore or rediscover his mind-expanding work. One daily practice you can't do without? Introducing two people who are excited to meet. Matchmaking isnāt just for loveāitās for friendship and partnership too. One mindset shift that transformed your work? The joy of being wrong. Danny Kahneman taught me that the faster you are to recognize you were wrong, the more likely you are to get it right. One anchor ritual to reconnect with yourself? Mental time travel. Would my past self be proud of my progressāand will my future self be proud of my contribution? ā” Brain PicksFast-Track Your Promotion with Sidebar Getting promoted isnāt just about hard work; itās about smart support. But how are you going to level up without people to learn from? The most successful leaders surround themselves with extraordinary peers. Enter Sidebar. Our curated network connects you with top leaders from companies like Amazon and Microsoft, and innovative startups like Gusto and Canva, handpicked just for you. Through our sophisticated matching engine and rigorous vetting process, we ensure that every interaction is impactful. A staggering 93% of users say Sidebar has been a game-changer in their professional path. Sidebar unlocks career growth in a way nothing else can. Sign up today and get insights tomorrow.
š¤ Brain TrustIf you enjoy the newsletter, you'll love our community of curious minds who grow together through interactive workshops and safe discussion spaces. Here is preview of whatās happening in the next few weeks: All of these and future events are included in the price of the annual membership ($49), as well as access to the recordings of all our previous sessions and a growing collection of case studies. š Brain WavesHave a friend who wants to make the most of their mind? Send them the newsletter using your unique referral link below and unlock Reflective Minds, a database of good questions from great thinkers and creators. Until next week, take care! P.S. As I keep telling my friends, donāt let your curiosity unexpressed. |
A weekly newsletter with science-based insights on creativity, mindful productivity, better thinking and lifelong learning.
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